Per se
by The Loser Lord
Summary: AU. Crackish. Dialogues. 'Vampires are so lame...yes even the sparkly, gentlemanly ones too.' Part II of Lover Elections.


**A/N: Haha, I wanted to do a fic like this - its inspiration is that one episode of _South Park_ when all the kids in the school begin to dress gothic (Vampire-ish) and then the goth kids get mad & burn down the Hot Topic. My only warning(s): don't get mad if it offends you, and this is dialogue...ish. Don't worry, I'll put the names in parenthesis when I do a new divider ^_^  
**

**Not really SasuSaku. They're together. But still.  
**

**Second part to Lover Elections.  
**

* * *

**Per se  
**by: kirei na yukki

* * *

"Vampires are _so_ lame"

...

...

...

_Yes, even the sparkly, gentlemanly ones too._

"Hey, you guys! Vampires don't exsist, its just an _in_ thing right now."

"HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO TELL YOU?! WE AREN'T VAMPIRES, WE'RE _FREAKING GOTHS_!"

-

-

-

"Can you pass that tomato ju - er, I mean, the _blood_?"

"Ino?"

"Sakura - pass the _blood_!"

"Ino."

"_Sakuraaaaaa_. I'm going to die of _thirst_!"

"But its tomato juice."

-

**Senior Class President Sakura's list of ISSUES concerning the students.**

ONE. Tagging bathrooms.

TWO. Stink bombs in the lockeroom. _Eating the cafeteria food and P.E. is bad enough, don't throw it where we have to change! Double 'eeewwww'_

THREE. Sudden bands of Freshmen going into the Senior courtyard. _People should know better._

FOUR. Why are there still tomatoes being served! _Seriously, people are getting sick!_

FIVE. Random people dressing up with penguin costumes._ I'm looking at you, Naruto_.

SIX. Lunchtime "clubbing". _Out of control idiots._

_**SEVEN. VAMPIRE-OBSESSED CHILDREN.**  
_

_-_

_Yes, I do have beef.  
_

And no, I'm not a vegetarian vampire if you think I drink cow blood.

Just, no.

-

It was terrible.

They just came out of NOWHERE.

The vampire kids. I had the goths wanting to commit murder.

(Actually, some tried to kill me because I accidentally mistook them for vampires). This is why I'm conducting a "normal" day.

And why I'm wearing my _Vampires are so lame_ shirt. Oh yes.

* * *

**Funny I'd be doing these for a second time, considering that I got JUMPED last time I did.**

"Since when are lions and lambs FRIENDS?! Oh well, _I_ can dig it."

_Vampires are in..._

_...more so than NINJA and JEDI._

Dude....

...**THIS IS SERIOUS.**

(Sasuke and Naruto.)

"Are you sure about this, dobe? Remember last time - "

"Well, how 'bout this time you, Sakura, and Ino _lighten up_! It wasn't even that big a deal!"

"You conducted an illegal underground election, one that the winner would get jack squat from - "

" - _Nu-uh! You and Sakura are dating!"_

" - lied about the results, and tried to rip everyone off with the bogus 'coverage'."

"SHUT UP TEME!"

"Hn."

"Time to start our - drum roll please - _VAMPIRE MERCHANDISING BUSINESS_!"

"Well, when Sakura comes to kill you. Yeah. Whatever."

"Whatever little emo vampire dude."

"...its _goth_, you moron. I am neither."

"Yeah, yeah - stay there! I need a male model so I can get some dude customers in too!"

_Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring._

"Hn?"

"Sasuke-kun, why are you and Naruto selling _vampire_ things???"

"..."

"Well?"

"Hn." _Click. _"Thanks a lot, dobe."

"What? Does Sakura-chan wear the _pants_ in your relationship? Haha!"

"I'm going to kill you."

"Again? Aw, I just got beat _last _week _per se_!"

"..."

"Teme?"

"..."

"Temeeee?"

"_I hate you_."

* * *

(Sakura, Tenten, and Shikamaru)

"What's the difference between goths and emos, Sakura?"

"Tenten - how should I know?"

"Well, I see them running around...whichever one dresses in black, drinks tomato juice - "

_Shiver_. "T-Tomato juice?"

" - and wear plastic fangs while giving Hot Topic the best business they've ever gotten."

"Tenten, those aren't goths are emos."

"Then, what are they?"

"_Douchy little vampire kids!_"

"How'd you get here, Shikamaru?"

"Ino was driving me crazy."

"Vampire obsession?"

_Sigh._ "Yeah. Having a girlfriend who'll put up with effort for the latest trends is hard."

"Well how do you think I feel? Naruto and Sasuke-kun are making a profit out of it."

"_Sasuke_?" _Snicker_. "Of all people!"

"I know! Ugh."

"I think I'm gonna go take a nap."

"Later."

"Yeah." _Yawn_. "Later."

"What are we going to do about this, Tenten?"

"Get rid of their transformation materials. The Hot Topic I mentioned earlier is, like, not even _near_ here. People went over to the towns during break remember? They wouldn't go during the year."

"But how are they still getting the stuff?"

"..."

"..."

_Sigh_. "Of course."

"**Naruto**."

"Let us visit the moron at work, Tenten."

"Yes, let's. Oh, but I have to meet Neji in the gym."

* * *

**Blood Hound  
**_vampire material store_

The number one source of all your vampire goods, help yourself to our variety of:  
_Choker  
Grillz for your fangs  
Capes  
Canes  
Filed teeth  
Fanged teeth_  
_Vampiring for dummies  
Contacts (both red and yellow)  
Vampire A-Z guide book  
Body glitter_

(Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura)

"We're going to be freaking millionaires by the time the year's up_ per se_!"

"Dobe."

"Come and get your vampire gear! This is the only stand for miles to come! Authentic, one of a kind vampire items sold here! Reasonable prices _per se_!"

"You call 23,000 ryo for _body glitter_ reasonable?"

"S-Sakura-chan?"

"Sakura."

"Yes, it's me. What are you _idiots_ doing?! You're turning my school into...into an academy of the undead! What is wrong with you?"

"But I'm making money! Me _and_ teme! He can buy you that nice pearl necklace you wanted for your birthday."

"Oh, I did want that...but that's not the point! I have gothic children wanting my head on a pike to display for the student body to cower over! Stop selling _douchy vampire kid _stuff!"

"...what?"

"It was Shikamaru. But still - cut it out! Its weirding me out."

"_Weirding_ you out?"

"Don't make fun of my speech, Sasuke-kun!" _Punch_.

"Hn."

"Yeah!"

"But I can't! I'm going to be a millionaire, _per se_!"

"You're going to be a dead man if you don't cut it out!"

"Teme?"

"Huh. You're on your own."

"But - ?"

"_I'm going to flush all your ramen down a toilet if you do not stop this idiotic business of your immediately._"

"...OH. MY."

_Smirk_. "Evil girlfriend. Huh. Well, anything goes."

_Sob. _"Fine. Close it down. Now, if you'll excuse me - I'm going to cry somewhere else."

"That was wrong - using his weakness like that."

"Well it isn't like I haven't used it _before_ Sasuke-kun. I use weaknesses quite well, don't _you_ think?" _Giggle. Wink_.

"...I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yeah, yeah - love you too."

-

"Hey, Sakura!"

"Tenten?"

"Did you hear that Naruto set of a werewolf stand not too far from here? I mean, everyone's all furry now. _Lee's_ the school eye candy now!" _Gag._

"Heh. Dobe."

_Twitch_. "NARUTOOOO!"

* * *

**End.**

**I loved typing this. Sorry if it confuses. Dialogues are like that :P I so loved that episode of _South Park_. I titled it _Per Se_ because that's like a main word of the episode. Its funny. **

**Oh and _douchy little vampire kid_ - also _South Park_. LOL. Hoped you liked! PLEASE REVIEW!  
**


End file.
